you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
