OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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