yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
