This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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