I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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