So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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