found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
