I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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