Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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