dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
