Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
