and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Even my vagina gasped.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
