I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize