You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
