please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think my fart just growled at me.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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