just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
