she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
