Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
