Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
