The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
