we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
