I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
