I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
