I haven't been this sober since birth.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
