dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
