i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
