Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
