I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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