He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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