If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
