you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
