I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
