Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
