i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
