the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dick very happy bro
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