Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
