Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
