I think my vagina is haunted
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
