pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
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there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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