she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
