If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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