scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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