I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
