Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
