Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
