hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize