then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
