I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
