I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
