Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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