I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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