Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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