At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i would punch a child for taco bell
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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