New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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