You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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