woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
