Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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