no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
