I cannot find my penis.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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