After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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