That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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