mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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