I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
you made out with another girl for some wings
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
