I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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