I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
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