I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
